Below are some slightly re-written notes from my travel journal while I was in India. God taught me a hard lesson about myself while I was there, so I wanted to share that with everyone. I hope you enjoy reading it:

I learned a lesson about myself yesterday. I learned how possessive I am with my material belongings, even though I don’t usually see myself as materialistic. It wasn’t a lesson I enjoyed learning, but if God needs to teach me hard lessons to make me more like His Son, so be it.

The life lesson came in the car when Lawrence, our Indian driver, asked me about my One bracelet. My One bracelet has been a source of pride and a reminder of purpose. It is worth more to me than the plastic it is made of. And while I could always get another, in my mind it is irreplaceable because I don’t like the new style as much as the old. As if the style was the point! So Lawrence starts asking about my bracelet and asks me to take it off. That made me panic. I didn’t realize until later that it was making me panic because I have an unhealthy possessive attitude about my things. In other words, I have a “don’t touch my stuff” mentality. Lawrence said he was going to put the bracelet on his rearview mirror. Because of a slight language barrier, I didn’t know if he meant permanently. I should have restrained myself, but I blurted out “Can I have it back later?” He said of course, but I think my tone conveyed now, not later. He handed it back.

That was when I realized what a moron I was. Isn’t the point of the One organization to be generous to those less fortunate? How dare I ask for my bracelet back from a man who I pay a few dollars a day to drive me around? I felt terrible. I asked Lawrence about it later and then I figured out he only wanted to see the bracelet to know my wrist size because he planned to buy me a gift. Yep, I’m a jerk.

My boss (and an old family friend) was in the car when it happened. He said later that he saw Bethany the teenager again in the car that day. That convicted me to the point that it hurt, because I know what a selfish brat I was as a teenager. To realize that my possessiveness of material things has not diminished over the last 10 years as I have matured in other ways was a big wake-up call.

I realize now that my attitude wasn’t about my bracelet, but I panicked simply because it’s MINE. Satan has so deceived me to think that things are mine, that I have a right to them, and that things matter.

I think the solution will have to be a lot of prayer and forcefully stripping myself of those THINGS that I am convinced that I need. I decided then that I had to give away my One bracelet, so I gave it to Lawrence’s daughter, Rachel. When Lawrence tried to give it back I told him that it was important to me and so I wanted her to have it. I have to admit it hurt a little bit to give something of mine away, but it also felt great.

I need to learn that all things are God’s. I own nothing. Everything I have is on loan from God, from whom all blessing come. If I can’t learn that after two trips to third-world countries in one year, I’ll never learn it.